The Reason I Don't Play Golf Is

If You Attack The Establishment Long Enough And Hard Enough, They Will Make You A Member Of It.

People Ask What I Am Really Trying To Do With Humor. The Answer Is, "i'm Getting Even

No One Ever Mentioned It, But Thousands Of Men Welcomed World War Ii As A Way To Escape Their Humdrum Lives Rather Than A Chance To Fight For God And Country.

As My Good Friend Al Capp Told Me A Few Years Ago, The Best Thing To Do With A Confirmed [hotel] Reservation Slip When You Have No Room Is To Spread It Out On The Sidewalk In Front Of The Hotel And Go To Sleep On It. You'll Either Embarrass The Hotel Into Giving You A Room Or You'll Be Hauled Off To The Local Jug, Where At Least You'll Have A Roof Over Your Head.

It Was A Dangerous Profession I Had Chosen ... Because No One Likes A Funny Kid. In Fact, Adults Are Scared Silly Of Them And Tend To Warn Children Who Act Out That They Are Going To Wind Up In Prison Or Worse. It Is Only When You Grow Up That They Pay You Vast Sums Of Money To Make Them Laugh.