People Ask What I Am Really Trying

I'm Working When I'm Fighting With My Wife. I Constantly Ask Myself-how Can I Use This Stuff To Literary Advantage.

The Reason I Don't Play Golf Is Because I Was A Caddie When I Was 13. Women Never Gave Up A Golf Ball That Was Lost Somewhere In The Trees And Thicket And Down Through The Poison Ivy. It Was During One Of These Searches That I Vowed To The Lord Above That If I Ever Earned Enough Money I Would Never Set Foot On A Course Again.

People Who Live In Glass Houses Have To Wash Their Windows All The Time.

I Worship The Quicksand He [richard Nixon] Walks In.

Writing Humor In My Column Isn't As Dangerous As Performing It. If I Fail In Front Of A Live Audience, The Humiliation Is As Great As Anything A Human Being Can Suffer.