The Great Thing About Glasgow Is That

I Once Travelled To Adelaide On Emu Airways. I Was 5,000 Ft Up In The Air When Someone Pointed Out To Me That Emus Can't Fly

If I Had A Hammer, There'd Be No More Folksingers.

I'm A Big Fan Of The Mars Bar Diet. You Don't Eat The Mars Bar, You Stick It Up Your Arse And Let A Rottweiler Chase You Home.

A Mate Of Mine Has Just Told Me He's Shagging His Girlfriend And Her Twin, I Said How Can You Tell Them Apart, He Said "her Brothers Got A Moustache!"

The More You Know The Less The Better.