The Funny Guy Doesn't Get The Girl

If You're Flying With Your Children, It's Best To Book Them On The Same Flight And Not On One Where They Have More Legroom And Are Leaving At A Different Time. They Could Get There Earlier Than You, And That Causes Resentment. Two-year-olds Can Also Never Figure Out Those Connecting Flights. It Just Makes It Harder, So Travel As A Family.

I Put My Pants On Just Like The Rest Of You - One Leg At A Time. Except, Once My Pants Are On, I Make Gold Records.

I'm A Progressive. Much In The Same Way Our Founding Fathers - Who, Oddly Enough, Wouldn't Get Elected Today - Were Progressives.

I Live By 'earnin' And Burnin'.' Meaning, I Like To Make Money And Spend It Before I Even Have It. That's The Way I Live My Life.

I'm A Sex Addict. It's My Cross To Bear. It's A Real Disease With Doctors And Medicine And Everything!