The Desire To Be A Politician Should

I've Always Been Fascinated By The Difference Between The Jokes You Can Tell Your Friends But You Can't Tell To An Audience. There's A Fine Line You Have To Tread Because You Don't Know Who Is Out There In The Auditorium. A Lot Of People Are Too Easily Offended.

Oh Aye...my Father Would Thrash Me Every Now And Then. He'd Talk While He Did It Too! He'd Hit Me And Shout, 'have Ye Had Enough?' Had Enough? Whit Kind Of Question Is That? 'why, Father, Would Another Kick In The Balls Be Out Of The Question???'

Don't Vote, It Only Encourages Them.

I Have Been Made Redundant Before And It Is A Terrible Blow; Redundant Is A Rotten Word Because It Makes You Think You Are Useless.

I'm A Big Fan Of The Mars Bar Diet. You Don't Eat The Mars Bar, You Stick It Up Your Arse And Let A Rottweiler Chase You Home.