That's The First Thing They Teach You

Kim Jong Un's Sister Got Married. That Sounds Like Another Seth Rogen Movie, Doesn't It?

Bronco Rick Perry Is The First Candidate I've Ever Heard Say He's Not Doing Well Because He's Sleepy. You Know, We Criticized George W. Bush A Lot, But There Was One Thing He Was Very Disciplined About, And That Was Getting His Full Eight Years Of Sleep.

Do Good Things For Other People.

This Will Be Michelle Obama's Last Opportunity To Try To Get Me To Eat Kale.

My Political Position Is That I'm Happy To Be Alive And In North America.