Sometimes It Looks Like I'm Dancing, But

I Think If I Pick The Right Thing To Spend My Time Doing, Then Time Moves Differently, Because I Really Can Get Fully Immersed In Things And Feel Very Alive And Challenged, But In A Good Way. I Feel A Sense Of Progress.

You Are Ten Times More Likely To Get Hit By A Car When The Driver Is Aiming For You.

For Me And Most Of My Friends Who Are Comedians, If You've Been Doing Comedy For A While, Your Tolerance For Things Actually Moves. I Find It Very Hard To Be Shocked, And When Other People Aggressively Take Offense To Something, I'm Sometimes Confused.

'dammit I'm Mad' Is 'dammit I'm Mad' Spelled Backwards.

Sometimes If I Really Want To Get Someone's Attention, I'll Start A Sentence With Something Like, "i'm Not Racist, But..." I Say, "i'm Not Racist, But You Look Great Today." They Say, "that Wasn't Racist At All." I Said, "i Know. I Said I'm Not Racist. You Never Listen. Typical Mexican."