So The First Time You Hear The

These Pretzels Are Making Me Thirsty!

I Can Walk Through A Hotel Lobby And Watch People At The Desk And See What They're Doing. People Don't Look At Me. They Don't Even Know I'm There.

I Do Not Know Why Anyone Would Host An Awards Show. No Matter How Unbelievably Well You Do At It, The Only Thing That Can Happen Is You Get Asked Again To Host An Awards Show.

I Was In Front Of An Ambulance The Other Day, And I Noticed That The Word Ambulance Was Spelled In Reverse Print On The Hood Of The Ambulance. And I Thought, Well, Isn't That Clever. I Look In The Rear-view Mirror; I Can Read The Word Ambulance Behind Me. Of Course While You're Reading, You Don't See Where You're Going, You Crash. You Need An Ambulance. I Think They're Trying To Drum Up Some Business On The Way Back From Lunch.

What Is This Obsession People Have With Books? They Put Them In Their Houses Like They're Trophies. What Do You Need It For After You Read It?