President Obama Is Launching A New $6

Sources Say The Obama Administration Is In The 'final Stages' Of Planning The Closing Of Guantanamo Bay. The Way It's Gonna Work Is, They're Going To Put A Radio Shack Sign Out Front And Let Nature Take Its Course.

In A Recent Interview, Jeb Bush Revealed That His Brother George Gave Him The Nickname 'tortoise' Because He's Making Slow, Steady Progress. Though I Think The Bigger Story Here Is That Compared To George, Jeb Is The Slow One.

In A Speech In Texas, Donald Trump Called Hillary Clinton 'easily The Worst Secretary Of State In The History Of Our Country.' When Asked What He Based That On, Trump Said, 'i Heard Me Say It Just Now. So It's Gotta Be True.'

It Was Announced Today That Iran Has Reached A Deal With The U.s. To Limit Its Nuclear Program And Send Most Of Its Uranium To Russia. Then Americans Said, 'that's Great! Wait, What?'

L.a., Its Nice, But I Think Of Sunshine And People On Rollerblades Eating Sushi. New York, I Think Of Nighttime, I Think Of Times Square And Broadway And Nightlife And The City That Never Sleeps.