One Of The Ways To Avoid Being

Playing Rugby At School I Once Fell On A Loose Ball And, Through Ignorance And Fear, Held On Despite A Fierce Pummelling. After That It Took Me Months To Convince My Team-mates I Was A Coward.

I Would Like To Like To Make One Thing Clear At The Very Outset And That Is, When You Speak Of A Train Robbery, This Involved No Loss Of Train, Merely What I Like To Call The Contents Of The Train, Which Were Pilfered. We Haven't Lost A Train Since 1946, I Believe It Was - The Year Of The Great Snows When We Mislaid A Small One.

The Thing That Makes You Know That Vernon Ward Is A Good Painter Is If You Look At His Ducks, You Can See The Eyes Follow You Around The Room.

Now I Tell You The Downside Of This Is You Feel Awful, But The Upside Is You Feel Terrific.

I Went To The University Of Life And Was Chucked Out.