I Went To The University Of Life

I Have Learned From My Mistakes, And I Am Sure I Can Repeat Them Exactly

I Saw An Advertisement The Other Day For The Secret Of Life. It Said "the Secret Of Life Can Be Yours For Twenty-five Shillings. Sent To Secret Of Life Institute, Willesden." So I Wrote Away, Seemed A Good Bargain, Secret Of Life, Twenty-five Shillings. And I Got A Letter Back Saying, "if You Think You Can Get The Secret Of Life For Twenty-five Shillings, You Don't Deserve To Have It. Send Fifty Shillings For The Secret Of Life."

As I Looked Out Into The Night Sky, Across All Those Infinite Stars, It Made Me Realize How Insignificant They Are.

Now I Tell You The Downside Of This Is You Feel Awful, But The Upside Is You Feel Terrific.

I've Had Some Wonderful Ideas For Getting The Dominating Going. I've Got Some Extremely Subtle Advertising Slogans That Should Get The Public Behind Us. Things Like "vote For El Wisty And Lovely Nude Ladies Will Come And Dance With You." It's A Complete Lie, Of Course, But You Can't Afford To Be Too Scrupulous If You're Going To Dominate The World.