No Matter What Parents Do, Kids Retain

I Am The One Who Got Myself Fat, Who Did All The Eating. So I Had To Take Full Responsibility For It.

I Had The Halfway House. I Can't Tell How Many Nights I Spent Around My Kitchen Table, Soothing Broken Hearts.

I Have A Hotline To The Tabloids. When I Get Up In The Morning, I Call The Star, And The Last Thing At Night, I Call Them. I Want Them To Have The Inside Track.

When You're The Spokeswoman For A Weight-loss Program, Everything Is Witnessed. I Weigh In Once A Week With A Witness. I Have To Sign An Affidavit Saying I Cannot Have Any Surgeries.

I Love Marriage. I Failed At Marriage, But I'd Rather Go Into Anything With Gusto And Fail Than Go Into It Half-assed.