My Mother Paid Eight Dollars A Month

My Doctor Gave Me Six Months To Live, But When I Couldn't Pay The Bill He Gave Me Six Months More.

I Never Worked With Marilyn Monroe, But If She'd Lived, I Think She Would Have Been All Right. She Would Have Been President Of The United States.

To Be Successful In Show Business, All You Need Are 50 Good Breaks.

You See, My Father Was A Catholic Priest, Greek Orthodox, But I Think He Started Out As A Jew, Then He Became A Catholic Priest.

I Could Play A Cop, I Could Play A Crook, I Could Play A Lawyer, I Could Play A Dentist, I Could Play An Art Critic-i Could Play The Guy Next Door. I Am The Guy Next Door. I Could Play Catholic, Jewish, Protestant. As A Matter Of Fact, When I Did The Odd Couple, I Would Do It A Different Way Each Night. On Monday I'd Be Jewish, Tuesday Italian, Wednesday Irish-german-and I Would Mix Them Up. I Did That To Amuse Myself, And It Always Worked.