My Mom Was Kinda Like A Cat.

Tara Reid Is Charging $3,500 For A Personal Appearance Fee. So, For Only $3,500 You Can Either Buy A 1998 Jetta With 130,000 Miles On It... Or Tara Reid, Who Only Has 98,000 Miles On Her.

My Theory About Taylor Swift Is That She's A Virgin, That Everyone Breaks Up With Her Because They Date Her For Two Weeks And She's Like, 'i'm Not Gonna Do It'.

I Wanted To Be A Comedian, I Wanted People To Laugh At What I Was Saying, Not To Be Staring At My Boobs Or Wearing A Skirt And Show Off My ... I Just Didn't Think That That Was The Best Way To Get Taken Seriously In That World.

Can You Imagine Getting A Gun For A Secret Santa? That Is Especially Not A Good Idea If You Work In A Post Office.

It’s True What They Say About Patience Being A Virtue; It Just Happens To Be A Virtue That I Choose Not To Pursue.