My Friend Asked Me If I Wanted

I Don't Know How To Fix A Car. If The Car Breaks Down, And The Gas Tank Does Not Say "e", I'm Screwed. But If The Gas Tank Says "e", I Get All Cocky - "i've Got This One, Don't Worry." So I Get Out The Toolbox Aka Wallet.

I Saw A Lady On Tv, She Was Born Without Arms. That's Sad, But Then They Said, "lola Does Not Know The Meaning Of The Word 'can't'." That, To Me, Is Even Worse In A Way. Not Only Is She Missing Arms, But She Doesn't Understand Simple Contractions. It's Easy, Lola - You Just Take Two Words, Put Them Together, Take Out The Middle Letters, Put In A Comma, And You Raise It Up!

I Got An Ant Farm. Them Fellas Didn't Grow Anything. Hey, How About Some Celery? Plus, If I Tore Your Legs Off, You Would Look Like Snowmen.

Spaghetti... I Can't Eat Spaghetti, There's Too Many Of Them. No Matter How Hungry I Am, 1,000 Of Something Is Too Many. I'll Have 1,000 Pieces Of Noodles.

I Met This Girl, She Was An Actress, And She Gave Me Her Number. It Started With 555.