I Got An Ant Farm. Them Fellas

I Like Those Blow-up Beds. "this Becomes A Full Size Bed In Three Minutes!" Well, A Mattress Kicks Your Ass. Zero Seconds. "yeah, But You Can Store This Thing." You Can Store A Bed, Too - In The Bedroom.

I Know People Who Believe In Ghosts But Don't Believe In Themselves.

I Don't Own A Cell Phone Or A Pager. I Just Hang Around Everyone I Know, All The Time. If Someone Wants To Get A Hold Of Me, They Just Say 'mitch,' And I Say 'what?' And Turn My Head Slightly.

An Escalator Can Never Break: It Can Only Become Stairs.

I Hate Sandwiches At New York Delis. Too Much Meat On The Sandwich. It's Like A Cow With A Cracker On Either Side. "would You Like Anything Else With The Pastrami Sandwich?" "yeah, A Loaf Of Bread And Some Other People!"