My Family Was A Bunch Of Drunks.

Last Week I Told My Wife, If You Would Learn To Cook, I Could Fire The Chef. She Said, If You Could Learn To Make Love, I Could Fire The Chauffer.

I Took My Son To Coney Island, I Said "wanna Go In The Crazy House?", He Said "save Your Money We'll Be Home Soon"!

I Had Plenty Of Pimples As A Kid. One Day I Fell Asleep In The Library. When I Woke Up, A Blind Man Was Reading My Face.

What A Dog I Got, He Found Out We Look Alike, So He Killed Himself.

I Asked My Wife, 'on A Scale Of 1 To 10, How Do You Rate Me As A Lover?' She Said, 'you Know I'm No Good At Fractions.'