My Bubbie Lived To 104, Which Is

I Was Talking To Jesus, And I Said, Jesus, I Feel Like No One Will Ever Accept Me. And Jesus Looked At Me And Said, You Know What My Theory Is? Accept Me Or Go To Hell.

I Personally Think Miles Davis Is A Lot Funnier Than Me. And He's Working More.

A Man Goes To The Doctor For A Check, And The Doctor Exams Him And Says I've Got Bad News, You've Got Cancer And Alzheimers. The Man Goes Thank God I Don't Have Cancer.

I Always Felt Bad For Mother Teresa. Mother Teresa Lived A Whole Life Helping Starving Children And Dying Villages, But She Could Never Be Declared A Saint 'cause She Never Actually Performed A Miracle. And It Was Towards The End, She Was Desperate To Perform A Miracle, So She Would Go Up To Starving Children And Go, 'what's That Behind Your Ear? It's A Quarter!

My Family Originally Lived In Brooklyn. Our First Apartment Was A Little Place Above My Father And Uncle's Hardware Store In Coney Island. Now, Don't Get The Impression That We Were Surrounded By Merry-go-rounds, Roller Coasters And Ferris Wheels. Nope, This Was A Little Side Street.