Multi-tasking Is The Ability To Screw Everything

It Couldn't Pull A Greased Stick Out Of A Pig's Bottom

The Problem Is That Television Executives Have Got It Into Their Heads That If One Presenter On A Show Is A Blonde-haired, Blue-eyed Heterosexual Boy, The Other Must Be A Black Muslim Lesbian.

This Car Is More Fun Than The Entire French Air Force Crashing Into A Firework Factory.

Asking The Front Wheels Of A Car To Do Their Normal Job Of Steering While Handling More Than 170 Is Like Asking A Man To Wire A Plug While Juggling. Penguins. While Making Love. To A Beautiful Woman While On Fire, On Stage. In Front Of The Queen. It's All Going To Go Wrong.

We Live In The Worst Country In The World. At Least We Do For Lazy, Inefficient, Office-bound Police, Whose Response To An Extraordinary Rise In Violent Crime Is To Order More Speed Cameras.