Most Of The Time People Feel Okay.

So About 80 Years After The Constitution Is Ratified, The Slaves Are Freed. Not So You'd Really Notice It Of Course; Just Kinda On Paper. And That Of Course Was At The End Of The Civil War. Now There Is Another Phrase I Dearly Love. That Is A True Oxymoron If I've Ever Heard One: "civil War." Do You Think Anybody In This Country Could Ever Really Have A Civil War? "say, Pardon Me?" (shoots Gun) "i'm Awfully Sorry. Awfully Sorry."

In America, Anyone Can Become President. That's The Problem.

Life Is Sacred? Who Said So, God? Hey, If You Read History You'll Realize That God Is One Of The Leading Causes Of Death...has Been For Thousands Of Years. Hindus, Muslims, Christians, Jews, All Taking Turns Killing Each Other Because God Told Them It Was A Good Idea.

The First Obligation I Have Is To Be Funny; It's My First Impulse And An Instinct. I Like Being Funny And Finding The Jokes.

Just When I Discovered The Meaning Of Life, They Changed It.