John Kerry Announced His Plan For How

With Iraq Plunging Into Chaos And Gas Prices At Record Highs President Bush Took Time Out This Weekend For A Ride On His Bicycle, But Unfortunately He Fell Off And Sustained Cuts To His Face And Hands. Apparently Bush Was Distracted By The Enormous Responsibilities Of The Presidency. I'm Just Kidding. He Hit Some Gravel Or Something.

The Big Political News, Arnold Schwarzenegger Announced He's Running For Governor Of California, And Already, People Are Chanting, 'four More Vowels, Four More Vowels.

The Prison Scandal Is Really Hurting President Bush's Poll Numbers. In Fact, I Hear He's Already Working On His Concession Smirk.

The Election Is In Full-swing. Republicans Have Taken Out Round-the-clock Ads Promoting George Bush. Don't We Already Have That? It's Called Fox News.

Or As Hockey Player Sergei Fedorov Knows It, 'the Day I Can Legally Start Telling Everyone I Am Sleeping With Anna Kournikova.'