Jews Are The Most Liberal, Scrappy, Civil-rightsy

I First Did Stand-up When I Was 17, And Then I Passed Out Fliers For A Comedy Club (in New York City) And I Got Onstage Whenever I Could. And Musical Theater Went Out The Window As Soon As I Started Doing Stand-up.

I'm A Total One-hour Drama Addict. I Think When You're A Comedian, You Tend Towards Dramas Because That's The Less Stressful Thing To Watch.

I Just Look Like A Transvestite When I Try To Dress Up. There's No Place To Hide My Balls.

I Am Diagnosed With Not Having Enough Insanely-addictive Drugs Coursing Through My Body.

I Talk To Friends Who Get Their Feelings Hurt When They Read Twitter Mentions. I Have An Amazing Solution - Don't Read Twitter Mentions.