In A Speech In South Carolina, Donald

Republicans In Congress Are Getting Concerned That President Obama Will Try To Use The Final Year Of His Term To Push Through Too Many Controversial Laws. Obama Would've Responded But He Was Busy Drafting His New 'mandatory Mexican Gay Weed' Bill.

Donald Trump Announced That He's Running For President. During His Speech He Told The Crowd That If Elected He Would Be 'the Greatest Jobs President That God Ever Created.' Then God Said, 'hey, Don't Drag Me Into This Publicity Stunt.'

Yesterday, The White House Confirmed That President Obama Will Meet With Pope Francis During His Visit In September. Some Experts Are Wondering If They'll Discuss Their Disagreement Over Contraception. Then Joe Biden Said, 'i Didn't Even Know They Were Dating.'

Officials From The Soccer Organization Fifa, Which Decides Which Cities Get To Host The World Cup, Are Accused Of Accepting Bribes When Making Their Decision. Of Course The Toughest Part For The Soccer Officials Was Taking Bribes Without Using Their Hands.

A Miami Judge Issued Florida's First Gay Marriage License Yesterday, Which Makes It The 36th State To Legally Perform Gay Marriages. Of Course, Most Florida Residents Are Too Old To Understand What That Means. They'll Say, 'well, I Think All Marriages Should Be Gay, And Merry.'