I'm Married, Which Means That Instead Of

I'm Married, Which Means That Instead Of Occasionally Wondering About Men From Afar, I Actually Live With One And Can Be Constantly Astounded By The Strange Male Brain.

Otherwise, My Whole Career Has Just Been Flinging Myself At Whatever Is Most Overdue First And Letting Everything Else Stack Up.

All Parents Believe Their Children Can Do The Impossible. They Thought It The Minute We Were Born, And No Matter How Hard We've Tried To Prove Them Wrong, They All Think It About Us Now. And The Really Annoying Thing Is, They're Probably Right.

Breaking Up: It's So Easy To Return Their Possessions, But So Hard To Get Our Brain Cells Back.

I've Found It's Better To Talk To The Machine And Hang Up If I Get The Person.