If You Know Your Bible And Your

Drink Reacts On Its Practitioners In Conflicting Ways. One Brave Can Knock Off A Quart Of Scotch And Look And Act As Sober As Herbert Hoover. Another, After Three Martinis, Makes Two-cushion Carroms Off The Chaise Lounge As He Attempts To Negotiate The Bathroom.

I Did What I Could To Inflate The Rumor I Was On My Way To Stardom. What I Was On My Way To, By Any Mathematical Standards Known To Man, Was Oblivion, By Way Of Obscurity.

[to The Man Who Came Up To Her At A Party And Exclaimed Effusively, 'tallulah! I Haven't Seen You For 41 Years!':] I Thought I Told You To Wait In The Car.

Wracked With A Hangover I Do My Muttering Over A Black Velvet, A Union Of Champagne And Stout. Don't Be Swindled Into Believing There's Any Cure For A Hangover. I've Tried Them All: Iced Tomatoes, Hot Clam Juice, Brandy Peaches. Like The Common Cold It Defies Solution. Time Alone Can Stay It. The Hair Of The Dog? That Way Lies Folly. It's As Logical As Trying To Put Out A Fire With Applications Of Kerosene.

In My Lifetime I've Been To Bed With Men, Women, And Odd Pieces Of Furniture.