If I Get A Week Off, I'll

You Can Never Put Too Much Pork In Your Mouth As Far As I'm Concerned.

There Should Be A Law That You Can't Shut Down The Government - That You Don't Have That Power.

If You're Seeing A Psychiatrist, You're Wasting Money Because All You've Got To Do Is Get On A Plane, Get On A Subway Tomorrow And, Inevitably, You're Going To Be Seated In Front Of Some Guy Who's Playing With Himself, And He'll Be Singing, 'happy Days Are Here Again.' I Tell You - When I See That Guy, I Feel Pretty Good About Myself.

My Touring Has Never Stopped; From The Time I Started Doing Stand-up, I've Been On The Road.

Democrats Are Dumb And Republicans Are Stupid, But The Difference Between Dumb And Stupid Is Dumb Isn't Funny. Dumb Is When You Say Something And The Whole Room Goes, 'what Did He Say?'