If I Can Be Serious Now, And

St. Patrick's Day Is The Fourth Biggest Drinking Day In America. It's Not The Biggest. It's Right Behind New Year's Eve, Fourth Of July, Or Any Secret Service Party.

Apparently, There's Something Hinky About The New Iphones. They're Not Hooked Up Right. ... There's A Problem With The Antenna. They Don't Like To Be Held - Like My Ex-wife.

There Was An Embarrassing Moment In The White House Earlier Today. They Were Looking Around While Searching For George Bush's Military Records. They Actually Found Some Old Al Gore Ballots.

Obama Took A Tour Of The Great Wall Of China And Said, 'we Need One Of These Things Around The White House.'

The President Met With Bp Ceo Tony Hayward, And Obama Was Demanding That Bp Clean Up The Gulf. And I'm Thinking, Good Luck. They Can't Even Clean Up Their Gas Station Restrooms.