I Try To Retire Jokes As Soon

I Have That Need In Me, I Want Everyone To Love Me, But I'm Embarrassed By That Need, So I Wanted To Cover It Up In My Persona. I Felt Like I Wouldn't Be Able To Do Stand-up For A Career If I Was Needy. I Didn't Want To Be Complaining Or Whining Onstage. I Wanted To Be Cool And Do Exactly What I Wanted To Do. That Way I Would Never Have To Change For Anybody.

My Girlfriend Asked Me If I Only Love Her For Her Body. I Said No, Baby. Just Parts Of It.

2010 Has Been Awesome. I Got To Write On The David Hasselhoff Roast This Summer, And That's Always Been A Dream.

I Prefer To Sleep With Deaf Girls. Those Crazy Chicks Never Have A Safe Word.

I Think Brilliant Stuff Comes Out Of Working With Limitations. One Liners Are Very Limiting, But That's What Drew Me To Them In The First Place.