I Never Thought I'd Say This, What

John Kerry Is Finding Out That It Is No Fun To Be The Front Runner, That's When You Get All The Heat. He Had To Deny Internet Rumors This Week That He Had Botox Treatments. The Republicans Say Kerry Should Have A Clear, Unfurrowed Brow The Old Fashioned Way By Not Giving A Sh--.

I Do Think The Patriotic Thing To Do Is To Critique My Country. How Else Do You Make A Country Better But By Pointing Out Its Flaws?

Reverend Ted Haggard's Followers Still Think He's Not Gay. I'm Not Kidding. In Their World, There Are No Gay People. There Are Just Straight People Who Are Sinning. They Don't Want To Do It, But The Devil Makes Them! He Targets People Like Reverend Ted. That's How It Happened. The Devil Got Hold Of Reverend Ted, And Ted Said, 'get Thee Behind Me, Satan! And Put It In, Gently'.

You'd Know If I Was The De-facto Leader Of The Democratic Party, Because You'd Go Down To Walgreen's And Buy A Pack Of Blunts.

Rick Santorum Has Come Out Against Contraception And Against College. He Wants Us Literally To Be F**king Stupid.