You'd Know If I Was The De-facto

I Always Wanted To Be A Comedian, Even When I Was A Little Kid. I Had A Funny Father Who Was In The News Business, By The Way. He Was A Radio News Guy. So The News Was Always In My House, And Funny Was Always In My House. It Was Sort Of Just Baked Into The Dna That I Would Do This For A Living, But I Can Remember Being Less Than 10 Years Old And Dreaming About Being A Comedian.

Let's Make A Law That Gay People Can Have Birthdays, But Straight People Get More Cake - You Know, To Send The Right Message To Kids.

The Whole Dating Ritual Was Different When I Was A Kid. Girls Got Pinned, Not Nailed.

A Lot Of People Have Warned President Clinton That Bosnia Will Turn Into Another Vietnam, Which Would Be Embarrassing For Him Because He'll Have To Go Back To College.

I Understand We're On Our Way To Being A Third World Country. Could We Just Stop At 'second World' Before We Get There?