I?m Much Bigger In Britain Than I

I Don't Think I've Ever Died On Stage. I've Had Jokes That Died On Stage. I've Told A Joke And Absolutely Nothing. They Didn't Know It Was The End Of The Joke.

Now, The Country Is In A Terrible State, And You've Blamed It On A Number Of Things: Unemployment Rate, The Value Of The Pound And All That... Wrll, It's Because The National Anthem Is Boring.

Don't Buy One Of Those Baby Intercoms. Babies Pretend To Be Dead. They're Bastards, And They Do It On Purpose.

The Desire To Be A Politician Should Bar You For Life From Ever Being One.

Honestly Some Folk Will Take Offence At Anything, I Met A Bloke With No Legs This Morning While At The Bus Stop, All I Asked Was "how Are You Getting On?"