I Have Been In A Lot Of

I Have Gay Friends, I Support Gay Rights, I Have Nothing Against The Gay Community, But When I See Two Guys Kissing, I Think It's Gross. And, By The Way, It's Gross When 99% Of Straight People Do It, Too.

I've Never Been Swimming, And That's Because It's Never Been More Than Half An Hour Since I Last Ate.

Eddie Murphy Said Once In An Interview That Nothing Is Offensive If It's Funny. I Sort Of Agree With That, But If Something's Funny And You're The Subject Of It, Sometimes It's More Offensive. If Someone's Insulting You, You Want Them To Sound Like An Idiot.

For A Degenerate Like Me, Vegas Is Like A Walk Down Memory Lane. Last Time I Went To Vegas, I Went To My Old Coke Dealer's Kid's Bar Mitzvah.

The Point Of Drinking In Moderation Is That Sometimes You Don't Drink In Moderation.