I Have A Problem With The Strip

The Toughest Nights When I Was A Young, Unknown Comedian Were Opening For These Real Old-time Italian Singers. I'm Like Grace Jones To Them. "this Guy Is Nuts-talking About Socks. Where's The Wife Jokes, Where's The Fat Jokes?"

I Don't Want To Hear The Specials. If They're So Special, Put 'em On The Menu.

Boy, I Miss The Days They Made Toys That Could Kill A Kid.

The Worst Thing About Television Is That Everybody You See On Television Is Doing Something Better Than What You're Doing. You Never See Anybody On Tv Just Sliding Off The Front Of The Sofa, With Potato Chip Crumbs All Over Their Shirt.

Well, Howard Stern Has Been Doing His Impression Of Me For Years. It Doesn't Really Bother Me.