I Drink Too Much, Way Too Much;

A Travel Agent Told I Could Spend 7 Nights In Hawaii No Days Just Nights.

My Life Is Nothing But Pressure. All Pressure. This Pressure Is Like A Heaviness. It's Always On Top Of Me, This Heaviness. It's Always There Since I'm A Kid. Other People Wake Up In The Morning, 'a New Day! Ah, Up And At 'em!' I Wake Up, The Heaviness Is Waiting For Me Nice. Sometimes I Even Talk To It. I Say [adopts Cheerful Voice] 'hi, Heaviness!' And The Heaviness Looks Back At Me, [in An Ominous Growl] 'today You're Gonna Get It Good. You'll Be Drinking Early Today.'

My Wife Has Teeth Like The Stars... They Come Out At Night.

I'm Sitting On Top Of The World, And I've Got Hemorrhoids.

When My Old Man Wanted Sex, My Mother Would Show Him A Picture Of Me.