I Don't Even Read The Papers. I

Another Scandal For Hillary Clinton - They're Saying She Used A Private Email Address When She Was Secretary Of State, Which Means The Government Couldn't Archive And Preserve Her Emails. Then Obama Said, 'don't Worry, We Saw Them. We See Everyone's Emails.'

Today Is 11/11/11, A Date So Simple Even Rick Perry Can Remember It.

The Tsa's Airport Body Scanners Have Been Shown To Be So Ineffective, The Homeland Security Chairman Suggested Using Traditional Metal Detectors. While Laguardia Will Continue To Just Have A Scarecrow Dressed As A Cop.

As You Can Imagine, With Hillary Clinton Being Here, Security Is Very Tight. The Secret Service Has Been Here All Day Sweeping The Halls, The Offices, The Hard Drives... It's Tight.

Leno, Conan. They Are Both Really Funny. They Really Know How To Land One.