I Bought A Perfect Second Car... A

Last Halloween A Kid Tried To Rip My Face Off. He Thought It Was A Mask. Now It's Different When I Open The Door The Kids Hand Me Candy.

I Was So Poor Growing Up...if I Wasn't A Boy...i'd Have Nothing To Play With.

My Son's An Idiot. He Sprained His Ankle Playing Golf. He Fell Off The Ballwasher.

I Have Nothing But Troubles With My Car. Every Sunday I Take My Family Out For A Push.

My Boy Is A Mean Kid. I Came Home The Other Day And Saw Him Taping Worms To The Sidewalk, He Sits There And Watches The Birds Get Hernias. Well, Only Last Christmas I Gave Him A B-b Gun And He Gave Me A Sweatshirt With A Bulls-eye On The Back. I Told My Kids, "someday, You'll Have Kids Of Your Own." One Of Them Said, "so Will You."