I Absolutely Want To Have A Career

Like Most Catholic Boys, I Wanted To Be Jesus Christ. I Could Never Get The Turn-the-other-cheek Thing Down, Though.

Ultimately, We’re Not The Avatars We Create. We’re Not The Pictures On The Film Stock. We Are The Light That Shines Through It. All Else Is Just Smoke And Mirrors. Distracting, But Not Truly Compelling.

I Don't Feel Any Pressure To Be Funny At All. I'm Funny Because I Want To Be Funny. I Could Sit Here And Be Serious For An Hour And You Would Go Away And Make Me Much Funnier Than I Am.

I've Tried Everything. I've Done Therapy, I've Done Colonics. I Went To A Psychic Who Had Me Running Around Town Buying Pieces Of Ribbon To Fill The Colors In My Aura. Did The Prozac Thing.

Well This Is Just A Fist. But When I Start Throwing It Around I Can Leave One Hell Of A Mess.