Human Beings Are Human Beings. They Say

I'm One Of The More Pessimistic Cats On The Planet. I Make Van Gogh Look Like A Rodeo Clown.

A Third Myth Is That Men Think That Women Like Guys Who Are Dangerous. As A Result, Guys Will Often Smoke Cigarettes, Drink Too Much, And Ride A Motorcycle Without A Helmet. The Reality? Women Don't Like Guys Who Are Dangerous. Women Want Us To Think That Because Women Are Trying To Kill Us.

When Your Mother Starts Using The Word "party" As A Verb About Her Kid, That's Absolutely Crazy.

The Good Thing About Pittsburgh, It's A Good Place To Be Raised... It Doesn't Tolerate Assholes. You're Either A Good Guy Or You're A Bad Guy... When I'm In Los Angeles Having These Incredibly Surreal Moments Where Nobody's Saying Anything And Everybody's Talking Incessantly, I Always Have That Pittsburgh Voice In My Head - Shut Up, Smile, Get The Job, Move On.

The Man Who Accused Richard Simmons Of Slapping Him In An Airport Has Dropped The Assault Charge. Dropped It! Upon Hearing The News, Simmons Sadly Responded, "you Mean I'm Not Going To Prison?"