The Man Who Accused Richard Simmons Of

How Many Of Those Dead Animals You See On The Highway Are Suicides?

America Was Founded By Puritans And Like It Or Not The Anti-pleasure Dogma Of Those Buckled-shoed Killjoys Still Pervades Our Collective Unconscious Like An I-max Shot Of Dennis Franz's Naked Hairy Cop Ass. Hence, Anything Enjoyable Is Automatically Forbidden And Bad And In Our Panic To Avoid It At All Cost We Become Obsessed With It... Like Dressing Up In A Pink Teddy And A Pair Of Ugboots And Repeatedly Screaming The Word 'verboten!' Into A Conk Shell Balanced On The Back On A Miniature Pony... Oh, I See.. That Would Just Be Me.

I Think [ann Coulter] Understands That, She's Pavlov's Dog. She Gets The Corn Kernel If She Hits That Drum Once In A While.

If Some Unemployed Punk In New Jersey, Can Get A Cassette To Make Love To Elle Mcpherson For $19.95, This Virtual Reality Stuff Is Going To Make Crack Look Like Sanka.

Their Offense Is Shakier Than Katherine Hepburn After An All-night Espresso Bender At Starbucks.