Hey, Single Malt Scotch, Youre Thirty Years

I'm Not A Standup. I Didn't Start Off As A Writer, I Learned To Write Through Improvisation, And So That's The Part Of The Show That Can Most Surprise Me. The Written Part Of The Show, I Know I Can Get Wrong. You Can't Really Get The Interview "wrong."

For Me, Improvisation Is About Working With A Partner. That Is Much Easier To Do In The Interview, Because You Have A Sounding Board.

I Used To Write Things For Friends. There Was This Girl I Had A Crush On, And She Had A Teacher She Didn't Like At School. I Had A Real Crush On Her, So Almost Every Day I Would Write Her A Little Short Story Where She Would Kill Him In A Different Way.

Now, I Don't See Color. People Tell Me I'm White And I Believe Them Because Police Officers Call Me 'sir'.

Charles Darwin Got Totally Hammered, Woke Up Next To A Monkey And Decided He Had To Come Up With A Theory To Make It All Okay.