Happiness Is Having A Large, Loving, Caring,

I'm Onstage For An Hour.i Do An Hour Of Stand-up. Actually, I Do 10 Minutes Standing Up And 50 Minutes Sitting In A Chair. Oh, Occasionally, I Stand Up Again To Do A Dance Or Put Over A Song. But Mostly I Sit Down. A Great Invention, Sitting Down.

Yale Men Do Not Like To Be Told Anything By People Who Didn't Go To Yale. The Closest I Came To Yale Was Once I Had One Of Their Padlocks.

I Don't Believe In Dying. It's Been Done. I'm Working On A New Exit. Besides, I Can't Die Now - I'm Booked.

Everyday Happiness Means Getting Up In The Morning, And You Can't Wait To Finish Your Breakfast. You Can't Wait To Do Your Exercises. You Can't Wait To Put On Your Clothes. You Can't Wait To Get Out. And You Can't Wait To Come Home, Because The Soup Is Hot.

If You Stay In The Business Long Enough And Get To Be Old Enough, You Get To Be New Again.