Father's Day: When You Get That Lethal

Mayor De Blasio Has Legalized Ferrets. Now You Can Legally Own Ferrets In New York City. I Want To Tell You Something. If I Want To See Anymore Beady-eyed Little Weasels, I'll Just Keep Riding The Subway.

Tomorrow Is Election Day. It's What They Call The Midterm Elections, And You Can Cut The Indifference With A Knife. It's The Day Americans Leave Work Early And Pretend To Vote.

Jeb Bush Has To Distance Himself From What They Call The Bush Brand. So He Keeps Saying, 'i Am My Own Man.' But When Governor Chris Christie Is Out On The Campaign Trail, He's Always Saying, 'i'm My Own Man, Plus Another Guy.'

Our Guest Tonight Is Michelle Obama, First Lady Of The United States. She's Here To Announce Her Run For President.

My Good Friend Paul Shaffer And I Are Going To Continue In Show Business. Next Month Paul And I Will Debut Our New Act At Caesar's Palace With Our White Tigers.