Our Guest Tonight Is Michelle Obama, First

The Reason I Vote Democrat Is Because I Think It's Better To Pay Billions For Oil To People Who Hate Us, But Not Drill Our Own Because It Might Upset Some Endangered Beetle, Gopher, Or Fish Here In America. We Don't Care About The Beetles, Gophers, Or Fish In Those Other Countries.

Tomorrow Is Election Day. It's What They Call The Midterm Elections, And You Can Cut The Indifference With A Knife. It's The Day Americans Leave Work Early And Pretend To Vote.

Now All Of Us Can Talk To The Nsa -- Just By Dialing Any Number.

They're Saying President Obama Doesn't Have Any Friends. The Problem Is That He Can't Get Congress To Approve One.

Mitt Romney Looks Like An American President In A Canadian Movie.