Our Guest Tonight Is Michelle Obama, First

George W. Bush Has A New Campaign Slogan: "a Reformer With Results." I Don't Know What It Means [but] I Think It's Better Than His Old Campaign Slogan: "a Dumb Guy With Connections.

Everybody Is Wondering What Paris Hilton Will Be Doing Next, And Hell, I'm Wondering What She Did Before.

For The Love Of God, Folks, Don't Try This At Home.

Any Online Gamblers Here? Well, Congress Is Looking In Shutting That Down.there's Going To Be A Massive Congressional Investigation Of Online Gambling And They're Going To Shut It Down. And When They Get Done With That, They're Going To Look Into This North Korean Thing.

I Vote Democrat Because I Love The Fact That I Can Now Marry Whatever I Want. I've Decided To Marry My German Shepherd.