During A Charity Boxing Match On Friday,

I Feel Like I'm Being Too Zen. I'm Inhaling Too Much Patchouli And Incense. It's Embarrassing.

The Key To Happiness. Hm.... There Are Just So Many Factors. I Think It's Just A Way Of Being. It's About.... Every Little Thing In Moderation. Whether It Be Stress, Anger, Joy, Depression.

Thank You, Yard Sales, For Being The Perfect Way To Say To Your Neighbors: We Think We're Important Enough To Charge Money For Our Garbage.

Vladimir Putin Bribed A Soccer Official With A Picasso Painting So He Would Support Russia's Bid To Host The 2018 World Cup. Putin Was Like, 'it Wasn't Picasso, Just Picture Of What His Face Would Look Like If He Said No.' (nose Over Here, Eye Up Here, Ear In Forehead.)

According To A New Survey, Almost Half Of The Voters In Ohio, Florida, And Pennsylvania Say That They Do Not Trust Hillary Clinton. Republicans Immediately Got Together And Said, 'ok, This Is A Huge Opportunity For Us. How Are We Going To Screw It Up?'