Don't Worry About Me. I Plan To

Say What You Will About Leona Helmsley, When It Comes To Standing Trial, She's Twice The Man Jim Bakker Is.

Today Coming To Work, I Saw One Of Those Only In New York Scenes. It Was A Rat Who Had Passed Out After Choking On A Pretzel.

When I Stopped Smoking Cigars It Was The Biggest Mistake I Made In My Life. So My Resolution For 98 Is Im Going To Start Smoking Cigars Again. I Gave Them Up About A Year And A Half Ago, And I Now Realize That It May Have Been My One Last Fun, Interesting Thing To Do.

Rick Perry Is Now Saying He Thinks That Barack Obama's Birth Certificate Is Fake. I Think Perry May Have Faked His Driver's License.

Over The Weekend, John Kerry - The Big John Kerry Juggernaut Moves On - He Won Primaries In Washington D.c., Nevada And, I Think, Canada. And He's So Confident That He's Started Nailing That Intern Again.