Both Of My Parents Got To See

You Know You've Reached Middle Age When You're Cautioned To Slow Down By Your Doctor, Instead Of By The Police.

All My Friends Are Dying. That's Why I Always Wear Black.

Because I'm The Only Performer Who Comes Out And Says I've Had Plastic Surgery, I've Become The Plastic Surgery Poster Girl, Which Is Hilarious, Because Everybody Has Done It And They All Deny It. They Stand There, Like The Bride Of Frankenstein, They've All Got Stitches, And They All Say, 'i've Done Nothing.' I Talk About It.

You Have To Do More Than Just Kill Time Or Time Will Quickly Kill You.

I Hate Thin People; 'oh, Does The Tampon Make Me Look Fat?'