My Grandson Is Mad At Me. He's

If You Don't Go To Broadway, You're A Fool. On Broadway, Off Broadway, Above Broadway, Below Broadway, Go! Don't Tell Me There Isn't Something Wonderful Playing. If I'm Home In New York At Night, I'm Either At A Broadway Or An Off Broadway Show. We're In The Theater Capital Of The World, And If You Don't Get It, You're An Idiot.

Elizabeth Taylor's So Fat She Puts Mayonnaise On Aspirin.

In Life The Only Thing That You Can Expect Is The Unexpected; The Only Surprise Is A Day That Has None.

The Thing Is, I'm Happiest When I'm On Stage.

My Sex Life Has Gone From Bad To Pathetic. My G Spot Stands For Godforsaken.