At Christmas Time We Couldn't Afford Tinsel,

I Am The World's Oldest Teenager. I've Never Lost My Youthful Attitude.

I Once Went Out With This Girl, She Was No Bargain Either, She Showed Up With Pigtails Under Her Arms.

At Christmas Time I Sat On Santa's Lap. His Fly Was Open ! Boy What A Present He Gave Me !

I Took My Son To Coney Island, I Said "wanna Go In The Crazy House?", He Said "save Your Money We'll Be Home Soon"!

I'll Tell You One Thing, I Know How To Satisfy My Wife In Bed, Yeah, I Leave.