Anyone Can Read The News To You.

You Are About To Start The Greatest Improvisation Of All. With No Script. No Idea What's Going To Happen, Often With People And Places You Have Never Seen Before. And You Are Not In Control. So Say 'yes.' And If You're Lucky, You'll Find People Who Will Say 'yes' Back.

I'm A Satirist, So I've Got Boxing Gloves On If The Person Is Worthy Of Satire. But I'm Not An Assassin.

Washington Is Dangerously Positioned Between Two Canadas, Canada Canada And California's Canada, Oregon.

Remember, You Cannot Be Both Young And Wise. Young People Who Pretend To Be Wise To The Ways Of The World Are Mostly Just Cynics.

Here's How It Works: The President Makes Decisions. He's The Decider. The Press Secretary Announces Those Decisions, And You People Of The Press Type Those Decisions Down. Make, Announce, Type. Just Put 'em Through A Spell Check And Go Home. The Greatest Thing About This Man Is He's Steady. You Know Where He Stands. He Believes The Same Thing Wednesday That He Believed On Monday, No Matter What Happened Tuesday. Events Can Change; This Man's Beliefs Never Will.