After President Obama Announced His Support For

According To A New Report, Since He's Been Governor, Chris Christie Has Spent $82,000 At A Concession Stand At Metlife Stadium. Now, I Know It Seems Like The Perfect Story For A Chris Christie Joke But I'm Actually On A Chris Christie Joke Diet. So Nothing For Me, Thanks.

The White House Announced That President Obama Will Attend A Summit In Kenya This July. When Asked If He's Ever Been To Kenya, Obama Said, 'of Course. I Was Born - No, Bored - Over There. There's Nothing To Do In Kenya.'

A New Study Found That Women Think Men Holding A Guitar Are More Attractive, Even If They Are Not Playing It. In A Related Story, Guys With An Accordion Will Die Alone.

Apple Is Apparently Building A Large Solar Energy Farm In North Carolina. And If There's Any Justice, The Minute They're Done Building It, God Will Introduce A Newer, Smaller Sun That's Not Compatible With Their Machinery.

Christine O'donnell Released A Commercial In Which She Says, 'i'm Not A Witch.' That's Pretty Good, Though Not As Effective As Her Opponent's Slogan, 'i'm Not Christine O'donnell.'